Until I Met You
by wintaer
Summary: Gin reminisces on Matsumoto's birthday. GinRan. One-shot. Contains spoilers for those who haven't read/watched to the end of the SS arc


_**Disclaimer:** Bleach isn't mine, I just play with the people in it._

Until I Met You

Ichimaru Gin sat in his room and stared at the inconspicuous silver-wrapped package on his desk. It was supposed to be a gift for _her. _He had seen it in a shop in Rukongai and immediately thought of how much more beautiful she would look with it around her neck, and even though he had known that he wouldn't be there to give it to her, he had bought it anyways. He had carefully wrapped it up and carried it with him wherever he went, debating on whether or not to give it to her right then and there, or just leave it in her room the night before he left. In the end, the choice was taken out of his hands.

_She left go of his wrist and leapt back as the glaring yellow light engulfed him._

"_Too bad… It would have been nice if my capture lasted a little longer."_

_Confusion and hurt emanated from her._

"_Farewell… Rangiku."_

_He turned to look upon her face one last time._

"_Sorry."_

And with the gift burning to be let out of his pocket, he had started to rise higher and higher, forced to watch her pained face disappear from his gaze.

Sorry. That one word didn't even begin to describe the guilt and regret he felt. He was sorry for having to leave her like this. Sorry that he wasn't able to say a proper good-bye. Sorry that the last few words they had exchanged were over swords pointed at each other's throats. He regretted not being able to give her the gift, but even more so, he regretted not being able to give it to her today. It was her birthday, and instead of being there to celebrate it with her, instead of being there to celebrate the day they first met, he was here in Hueco Mundo, reminiscing…

"_Hey, when's your birthday Rangiku?"_

"_I don't know, I never really counted days until I met you…"_

_He stared at her, stunned by the simple declaration._

"…_Then the day you met me is your birthday."_

_He smiled and tilted his head at her._

"_How about that, Rangiku?"_

She had been the only one in his lonely life who saw him as someone important, had been the only one who had cared about him. She had been the first person capable of sliding that grin off his face, and making him, even if it was just for one second, show his true emotions. From that moment on, he had known that he never wanted to desert her, had known that he would always want to be there for her, so that she would never have to stop counting the days.

But he _had_ betrayed and deserted her. Oh, there were the days in Rukongai where he had disappeared as a boy to go exploring and hadn't told her because he didn't know whether or not it would be safe for her, but never once had he betrayed her. Not until now, and the regret and guilt of doing so were eating him alive, which was why he was sitting here, staring at the little box on his desk.

Making a decision, he stood up and swept the gift into his pocket, then turned around and opened a gargantum to the real world. Stepping through, he brought out Shinsou and took a deep breath.

"Open!"

The Senkai Gate slowly slid open in front of him, a hell butterfly fluttering in front of his face to guide him through. Following it, he couldn't help but wonder if he had gone completely insane. If caught, he would be executed as a traitor and would have accomplished nothing. Worse yet, if he was caught visiting Matsumoto, not only would he be executed, but she would also be accused of treason. However, the desire to just lay eyes on her again overruled all his logic.

Moving swiftly, he shunpoed through the open Senkai Gate and carefully made his way to her room. Climbing through the open window, his gaze immediately found her form on the bed. Approaching her on silent feet, he gently set the present next to her head on the pillow.

Eyes hungrily taking in the details of the woman he had missed so much, his ever-present grin slid off his face upon noticing her tear-stained one. She had been crying, most likely over stupid little him, and if he knew Rangiku, those were probably the first tears that she had shed since his departure.

Bending towards her, so close that her bangs fluttered with his every breath, he whispered into her ear.

"Happy Birthday Rangiku."

Unable to resist, he brushed a strand of hair off her face and leant down to gently press his lips against her cheek. He had wanted to press them to her lips, but stopped himself, knowing that he didn't deserve to do so, and that she deserved so much more.

Even in the act of leaving, he paused in the window, and turned back to take one last look at her sleeping form bathed in the light of the moon that filtered in around him. In that moment, he let the countless number of emotions within him flash across his usually grinning mask of a face. There were so many words trembling on the tip of his tongue, so many things that he wanted to tell her.

He wanted to tell her exactly why he went to Hueco Mundo, wanted to explain to her and ask for her forgiveness, unworthy of it as he was. He wanted to tell her that he missed her every day, with every fiber of his being, and that he felt lost without his Rangiku there with him. He wanted to tell her how much he wished that they were back in Rukongai, just the two of them, sitting there eating the dried persimmons that they both loved so much.

But most of all, he longed to tell her how much he loved her, how he had fallen in love with her ever since that moment she had told him that she never counted days until she met him. He longed to go back and take her sleeping form in his arms and cling onto her like a drowning man on a piece of wood, longed to press his smiling lips to her rosy ones and kiss her like it was their last moments on earth. He longed to pour out his love for her in a torrent of unchecked words, but it was all too late. He had become entangled in the web of his own twisted ambitions and that of Aizen's. So he bit his tongue and stayed silent, just like so many years ago, when he had first recognized this emotion for what it was, but had been unwilling to entangle her too, and had therefore said nothing, knowing full well that she deserved someone much better, much purer, than him.

Gazing back at her with pained eyes, his soon to be smiling lips parted to let out those two empty, inadequate words.

"I'm sorry…"

The fluttering of the curtains in the gentle breeze was his only answer as he walked away.

* * *

_**A/N: **_

_**Gin: **Aw... why'd ya have ta make these so sad?_

_**Me: **Because you left her and now everything between you two is all bittersweet and everything! Oh by the way, you might want to start running..._

_**Gin: **(looks around confusedly) Why's that? I don' see no--_

_**Matsumoto: **Ichimaru Gin, you little good for nothing fox! How dare you leave me like that!_

_**Gin: **Uh oh... Buh-bye! (runs off)_

_**Matsumoto: **Get back over here so I can knock your block off!_

_**Me: **(turns back towards readers) Anyways... This is the companion piece to "Never Really Counted Days" that I wrote in honor of Matsumoto's birthday. GinRan is such a bittersweet couple... I think that's why I like them so much. Anyways, comments are much happiness, so review!_


End file.
